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The Flickering Mind

“O Krishna, the flickering mind is certainly turbulent, strong and obstinate; I think that subduing the mind is more difficult than the wind” (Bhagavadgītā 6:34). 

This quote really resonates with me. It expresses a sentiment that I have always believed in but was not articulate enough to phrase it so eloquently. The four adjectives used describe the human mind perfectly in my opinion. Most of our minds are very much flickering, which causes us to be fickle and unable to make healthy decisions consistently. Thoughts control our actions, and we do not take the time to stabilize our thinking. The oddest thing about the way we are built is that we must use our minds to figure out how to fix our minds. Where do we start? I think we start by admitting that we are uneducated and unstable, which will cause us to seek knowledge and understanding. However, most of us are too dumb to know that we are dumb. That is why I often say that children are smarter than adults. They do not have the wisdom, knowledge, and experience of adults, but their brains are more malleable because they have not had time to form hard opinions and bad habits yet. It is easier for them to make positive change and accept shifts in paradigm. For some of us, no matter how much evidence we see, we refuse to allow anything to convince us that what we “know” is incorrect. The fact that our minds are so strong is often detrimental to the probability of enlightenment. I think this is why Raja yoga is so popular outside of Hinduism. Some people realize that mental and spiritual health is the first step to achieving mental health. Once I can control my mind, controlling my body and my surroundings is a piece of cake. 

Atman is Brahman

The Hindu and Jainist answers to questions about Self and God are very appealing to me. In my personal spiritual journey, I’ve wrestled with the idea of whether adherence to an established religion is necessary. I’ve been searching to find the one that most closely aligns with the thoughts and feelings that I’ve developed through my experiences and studies. A lot of the Hindu ideas are ones that I have been flirting with for a few years now, without having ever studied much Hinduism. I just hadn’t heard/read them articulated in that way. I too believe that the popular idea of our individual and collective identities is warped.  

Since I was a child, I have often felt a sense of detachment from my own body and maybe even my own natural consciousness, wondering “why am I here,” “who am I,” or even “what am I?” I’ve never been satisfied with the answers that I received from my mostly Christian elders. Like the Upanishads, I believe that humans are in a broad state of ignorance of self and reality, which is perpetuated by our desire to describe life in absolutes through theories created by our limited knowledge and aptitude. 

The idea that there is a supreme being that exists inside of every existing being is one that I find extremely acceptable. Speaking very transitively, if I create something, and that thing creates something (and so on), each of those things reflect my work, existence, and identity. Everything that I create is a piece of me, or vice versa. One of the schools of thought that I identify with always talks about knowledge of self and that being the path to physical, emotional, and mental freedom. Since many of us don’t have true knowledge of what’s within, we have a lot of inner turmoil that spills into our relationships with everything outside of us. The idea of Atman takes that even further. Atman is our true self that is unchanging and independent of the body, mind, soul, and feelings. That is something that I am interested in exploring further. It may be the reason that I haven’t been able to answer some of those internal questions that I spoke about earlier.  

It seems like our ideas of being range from very concrete to extremely fluid. I can BE upset or happy, but those are temporary. I can BE an American, but that is based on a geo-political boundary that hasn’t always existed and that can change in the future. But I will always BE ME, and what that entails is what needs exploration and can be addressed with the idea of “Atman is Brahman.” Even without speaking about the presence of a deity, the sense that everything in existence is connected is an easy pill to swallow. 

Reading some of these Hindu answers just makes me want to delve in more! So far, I see a lot of truth in what I have read and heard. It makes a lot of sense and blends into ideas that I’ve already explored and accepted as high-probability answers to my own questions of existence.

Perhaps oddest thing about how we perceive our own identity is that we often do so through the eyes of others. With that, as other people’s opinions change, so too does our identity. To me that makes our identities as fickle as our emotions, which CAN’T be the true essence of our individual existence.


This is a song by the rock group, RA. Driving home from work while listening to one of my favorite apps, this song began to play. It immediately made me think about my Grandmommy and Papa and I was brought to tears. The lyrics are great, but listening to the song is even better because you can feel the emotion from the lead singer.

Continue to Rest In Peace Grandmommy and Papa; I love y’all more than you’ll ever know!


It’s always been the way that it has been
Falling through a hole inside myself
I can’t remember hardly anything
But I remember holding your hand
In winter colors all but fade away
The sun seems more ashamed to take the sky
You used to keep me warm within your purity
But now I am lost in an empty space oh

Healing, a broken soul, this lie that I’m forced to live in
Taken, now that you’ve been ripped from me

My memory is a fog too thick to see
I must have sold your thoughts to stop the pain
And while it always rains inside of me
My love for you will never ever let you die oh

Healing, a broken soul, this lie that I’m forced to live in
Taken, now that you’ve been ripped from me

Can’t you see
Can’t you see
I’m not me

I can’t let go your softness haunts me
Without your touch I wrinkle like a flower burned
If there’s a God I promise him anything he asks of me
So I could hold you in my arms forever


A different way of thinking that isn’t like others
Understanding that no two diagnoses are the same
Trusting that people won’t treat him differently
Imagining a world where it doesn’t matter how your brain processes
Staying hopeful they can find out why and a cure
Making sure each and everyday my son knows he is no different than “normal” people


Strength to live on despite my past
Underlying hurt and pain is something that will forever last
Receiving help and encouragement through different sources
Varying degrees of feelings; it’s a constant battle with my emotions
Investigating the actions so they will never happen again
Vision of happiness in the future; ready for the next chapter to begin
Only through my writing is how I’m able to really cope
Receiving you in my life; you are my new found hope

To My Grandparents

We thought of you in love today,
but that is nothing new
We thought about you yesterday
and days before that, too
We think of you in silence,
we often speak your name
Now all we have is memories
and your picture in a frame
Your memory is our keepsake,
with which we’ll never part
God has you in His keeping,
we have you in our hearts

Beyond Bitterness

Git rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you

-Ephesians 4:31-32 NLT

His Eyes

His eyes hold the deepest pain
But only a soul that can relate sees
The sadness, disappointment and sorrow
His soul is crying out to me
To listen, to understand, and know deep down his love is real
But he has such a hard time expressing emotions; he was told he couldn’t feel
Man up, wipe those tears, da fuck you crying for
Now he won’t let anyone in; he’s afraid to open that door
But real eyes realize real hurt that’s buried deep within
Struggling to keep your head above water so Iblis won’t win
It’s amazing when someone comes along and sings the harmony to your hearts song
Matching pitch and rhythm right on time
Take my hand; your heart can heal with mine
Patience, loyalty, respect, and love is all I have to give
Together, you and I, can learn to forget and forgive
Encourage each other to free ourselves from internal slavery
Side by side, hand in hand, it’s just you and me
Using our pain and telling our story through our art
You’ll never have to doubt my love; it’s you that has my heart
And I know that it’s me who has yours too
We All Y… Shhhhh; that’s just between me and you

Day Won

Welcome to project sexy. This is day one of phase one. Instead of getting sexy by myself, I’ve decided to share some of the workouts with yal. Let’s start with a chest day, since I hate how puffy my nipples look atop my flat board chest. It’s not good for your belly button to protrude farther than your chest. Rod Stewart said that you need to have a burning desire in your chest to succeed. Appropriate, right. Let’s get sexy!












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